And Another Perspective…

…this one from a Christian woman who is a Godly example to any woman but especially singles. I love the practical applications that she has given! Again, I have posted what I felt were the best parts and added the bold text formatting. If you wish to read Carolyn’s complete article, please click on the link at the bottom…

While women must trust God by waiting to be pursued, men must trust God by risking rejection in initiating pursuit. Knowing that, we should want to make this process as encouraging as possible for our brothers in Christ.

I’m not suggesting that this means a woman must accept every initiative. But we should care enough for these men to put away self-righteousness, arrogance, and selfishness in these interactions and instead put on humility and encouragement. My original comments were brief. What I said was:

Whenever a man initiates friendship or more with us, and that’s not our preference, we need to treat him graciously as a brother. If he’s trying to be a friend, we shouldn’t snub him. If he’s initiating something more and we aren’t in faith for it or can’t return the affection, we should exhibit humility by taking the time to consider and pray over his request, get counsel from others (just in case we don’t see things clearly), and decline him kindly. We should not look down on any man, but thank him for demonstrating trust in God by risking such a request. We should build him up and make it easy for him to step out once again, even if we are not giving him the answer he wants.

Philippians 2:4 tells us: “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Let me break that down. Do nothing from conceit (don’t think of yourself more highly than you ought). Count others as more significant (including men who aren’t your preference). Consider the interests of others in the same way you regard your own interests (you wouldn’t like to be snubbed, either, would you?).

Let me be frank. You may not have any attraction to a particular man when he initiates a relationship with you–but it’s highly likely that one day he will connect with the woman who is to be his wife. Wouldn’t you want to be the kind of gracious woman who makes it easier for him to try again with someone else? And wouldn’t you want that from the last woman your future husband pursues? (Don’t lose me here in all the hypotheticals.) More importantly than this, don’t we all want to be the kind of women who please our Father because we are imitating His Son?

The next time a man takes any intiative toward us, I would suggest we consider it an evidence of God’s grace before we view it any other way. In humility, we should think about how difficult it is for a man to risk rejection. We should care more for his interests in this situation than our own possible awkwardness, discomfort, or even disappointment. Humility dictates that we should be honored, not displeased, when any man expresses interest. Again, that doesn’t mean we need to accept. But we should not belittle him for having made the effort. Let us (and I do mean you and I both, for I’m still growing here) be marked by a spirit of sisterly graciousness that wants to cheer on our brothers as they exercise their trust in God to fulfill the Proverbs 18:22 mandate to find a good thing–a wife.

Carolyn McCulley of Solo Femininity


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