Top-Notch Speech


At our wedding, the best man gave the best speech ever. We had no idea this was coming although we were pretty sure he would be, without a doubt, entertaining! We finally got a copy of this speech yesterday. I don’t know if this is what he was expecting would be done with it but it is WAY TOO GOOD to not share. 🙂 Here is his poem…

Well, I have known Stephen ****** since a very early stage.
In fact, it was so long ago, I can’t recall the day.
We went to school together in a small place called ***-***
And over time we grew not just in mind but size as well!

At school they helped us grow up strong and from the time when we were small
Each morning there were exercises to be done by all.
They would put on different music and we had to stretch and groan
To do the different moves they had designed to help each child grow.

So there was our young Stephen, elastic-sided boots all new,
Feeling all enthusiastic ’bout the moves we were to do.
Well, as he stomped the Star Jumps out the class all looked across
And from that day on he was renamed, from Steve to “Albatross”.

Another time that springs to mind when we were just young boys
Was one night at home in our backyard while playing with our toys.
You see Stephen’s sister, Alison and Stevie had a blue
As siblings of that age are often quite likely to do.

It happened on our gravel pit which was beside our shed
And involved young Steve, and Alison, a five iron, and Steve’s head.
The result was rather bloody, and although my memory’s dim,
I’m sure that Alison was trying to knock some sense in him.

Somehow Stevie made it from a kid to adulthood
And he came to work with trucks just like many thought he would.
First starting as mechanic and then after a short while,
He went home to drive with Peter and develop truckin’ style.

Now as part of the family business, Stevie’s climb was near complete
But although there was cheap board and many yummy things to eat,
He dreamed one day he’d move from home and find himself a girl
And amazingly his parents had the exact same dream as well!

Then last year around Easter time Steve became quite elusive
And the company he was keeping became borderline exclusive.
Eventually he came clean and with eyes that got all misty,
He announced that he had met his love, and so we heard of Kristy.

Well since then we’ve hardly seen him and when we do it’s been quite short
And he’s been grinning like a Cheshire cat which is good, I would have thought.
Through these past few months he’s travelled quite a bit to see his dear,
Now finally, the day has come when they can remain near.

In the last few years Steve has prepared his future married life
And he has some things in place, set to impress his gorgeous wife.
He already owns a mobile home, and luggage is no prob’–
Just as long as you don’t mind it getting trampled by a mob!

Now the two are married and will soon be heading south,
Looking forward to spending time in their freshly painted house.
And with Kristy going rural and moving down out of the way
There is one relieving thing that I thought I’d like to say:

If the move to country life has got you feeling slightly stressed
And the thought of country creatures is giving you unrest,
Well, there are no red back spiders crawling round your house at night
Because the tiger snakes have eaten every single one in sight!

Now in closing I would like to give our Steve a hint or two;
Some wisdom that is paramount to get this couple through.
For in beginning married life there is an awful lot to learn
And a husband that is unprepared is asking to get burned.

So Steve, if you want to buy an ice-cream or anything like that
And Kristy will not have one ’cause she’s scared of getting fat,
Then as you leave the car she says she’ll have a bite of yours,
Then buy her one regardless–it will save a lot of wars!

And when you need to use the toilet, unlike life up to this time,
You will have to concentrate or you will hear young Kristy whine.
Always change the paper when the roll is near the end
And please put down the toilet seat, it drives her ’round the bend!

With these points to think about, Steve, I am sure that you’ll be fine
And I hope that you love married life as much as I love mine.
It is great to be a part of such a special day for you
And I’m sure that God is smiling as he looks down on you two.

It probably won’t surprise anybody to know that Steve and I are listed in Matt’s e-mail address book as “Mr & Mrs Albatross”. 🙂 So please remember that name as it may get used more in future!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Feb 13, 2008 @ 18:09:20

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,THATS COOOOOOOOOOOOL

    Reply

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