A Year Ago Today…

…I wrote this in my diary. Does anybody see the irony?

It is pretty scary how things seem to be just ‘working’ [with me and Steve]. I know it’s early days yet. I had, however, forgotten life could even possibly be so simple. I’d more than started wondering if something like this [an easy, wonderful relationship with a guy who knew what he wanted] was nothing but a pipe dream. It’s scary because it gets your hopes up [that there actually might be ‘one’ for me]. And really, I don’t want my hopes “up”–I just want my hopes fulfilled and frankly I’d rather wait in peace and quiet. But that’s me. God usually has other ideas. As George said on Sunday, we want our circumstances to go well but God wants our faith to prosper. Lord, help me. That’s such a scary and often painful thing. I don’t like pain!!!

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21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Stitchingmum
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 00:09:58

    I don’t have any (hopefully) inspirational words for you today sweet girl, except to say thank you for sharing. My heart hurts today that I can’t tell him on Sunday ‘I finally got my piece of paper that took all that stress I used to complain to you about, and you would just tell me to keep going so that I can become Nurse Ali’. All I know is that regardless of the circumstances, I am so grateful for the blessing that you are in my life Kristy, that you share your heart with us.

    Reply

  2. Jen
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 02:50:37

    You are in my prayer today. My God give you the peace that passes all understanding.

    Reply

  3. Jennifer
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 03:37:33

    No, I don’t like pain, either. And life IS scary. How does anyone take a step without Christ in front of them? He is near to you, sweetie. Take heart. He is defending your soul.“I will fear no evil, FOR YOU ARE THERE WITH ME…”

    Reply

  4. Keziah
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 03:45:13

    But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name, you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,and the flame shall not consume you.For I am the LORD your God,the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.I give Egypt as your ransom,Cush and Seba in exchange for you.Because you are precious in my eyes,and honored, and I love you,I give men in return for you,peoples in exchange for your life.Fear not, for I am with you;I will bring your offspring from the east,and from the west I will gather you.I will say to the north, Give up,and to the south, Do not withhold;bring my sons from afarand my daughters from the end of the earth,everyone who is called by my name,whom I created for my glory,whom I formed and made.”Still praying…Keziah xxx

    Reply

  5. Robyn
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 05:59:48

    Deuteronomy 33:27 The Eternal God is thy refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms. I’m praying that you feel those everlasting arms carrying you and cradling you. I’m so very, very sorry. And thank you for sharing your broken heart, your anger and confusion. I’m sure it not only helps you to “get it out” but I know it will help others who come here. You’re a brave woman, Kristy.

    Reply

  6. Anonymous
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 11:18:47

    The first thing I thought of after reading your post was the book of Job. Think about everything that happened to him. I didn’t know if maybe somehow that book would comfort you? I continue to pray for you as God brings you to my mind. Which is every day. 🙂 Hugs to you, my sister in Christ.Laura 🙂

    Reply

  7. Rebecca R.
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 12:37:36

    Still praying!

    Reply

  8. Anonymous
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 12:56:42

    Christy,I have no words to ease your pain; I just want you to know that someone in Arizona is still praying for you, thinking of you, and weeping with you. May God give you comfort and ease.God Bless,Shani

    Reply

  9. Jewelz
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 13:03:15

    I love you, sister-of-mine! My heart is hurting for you.I’m praying with all my heart. God bless

    Reply

  10. Patricia
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 13:56:24

    We are still praying for you too, my dear Kristy! Here in Canada, even though we don’t know you, we still love you. I pray that God will send you consolation…with love and blessings,Patriciafrom Ontario Canada

    Reply

  11. gram
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 14:55:10

    http://sumijoti.wordpress.com/this mom wrote of a trip that she felt was ‘god-ordained’ and she couldn’t wait to see what He had in store. it was on that trip that her 3 yr old daughter drowned. please check out her blog as i pray that it will be helpful to you. under “my favorite posts” she writes of ‘darkness’ and the ‘wilderness’ a year before the tragedy. she has wonderful insight. i am praying for you. jan

    Reply

  12. Anonymous
    Apr 19, 2008 @ 18:33:53

    Hello lovely. I can only keep telling you how much I love you, and that we miss Steve. And when you are feeling hopeless, I am hopeful for your, while you cant smile, I will smile wider for you, when you cant laugh, I will laugh louder for you, but if you cry, I will cry softly with you, and when you wanna scream – its all yours! I love how you can share your feelings, and I hurt along with you, and I thank you that you are apart of our lives. Love you more than chillies. Tracy

    Reply

  13. Autumn
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 02:50:26

    Praying for you.

    Reply

  14. Lisa
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 10:03:28

    Hey Kristy,Praying for you

    Reply

  15. STUART & TRACEE
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 10:17:51

    LOve you Kristy. We’ll keep praying for you. If there’s anything else we can do just let me know xoxo

    Reply

  16. Mum
    Apr 20, 2008 @ 22:34:52

    His ways certainly are not our ways. None of us would choose pain and heartache. Unfortunately He hasn’t promised to give us all we want just to walk with us through the circumstances we find ourselves in. I am heartbroken for you Kristy and I so want to see everything turned to your good. I am sooo sorry … I love you heaps and if I could I would make it all ok. Praying for you .. xx Mum

    Reply

  17. Erin M
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 10:58:56

    It may be a dumb thing to say, but I’m proud of you. Thank you for continuing to post. Thank you for being brave enough to expose yourself in this space. And for being open to recieving support if you’re not ready to be alone. You are beautiful.~Erin (the friend of Lauren T. – “The Ripple Effect)

    Reply

  18. Mandy Owens
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 15:35:50

    kristy, it breaks my heart to read this post… and it makes me want to fly to australia just to hug you! trust that it will get better, because one day it will.there remains a rest.

    Reply

  19. Keziah
    Apr 22, 2008 @ 05:02:05

    How are you doing, Kristy?Will keep praying,Keziah x

    Reply

  20. M. C. Pearson
    Apr 22, 2008 @ 08:31:02

    Wow. Double wow.I sent off an email to the publisher. Hopefully we can get that book out to you ASAP!

    Reply

  21. BBZ
    Apr 23, 2008 @ 17:32:38

    I love you. Sorry about that random comment, I don’t know what else to say, I just thought I would let you know that you are at the centre of my heart right now. xxoooo

    Reply

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