Thoughts On Pain & Grief

On Saturday afternoon, I thought, “It would be so easy think all this happened because I married the wrong person.” I seriously am sure that there is a half-dozen people on this planet (at least) who do think that.

They can. I don’t.

I know God gave me Steve and I know how used-for-good Steve was in my life, regardless of my thoughts on how short the time was. However, it would be easy to get to the point of thinking that I must have done something wrong–maybe just because it provides an answer.

Interestingly, yesterday, I began reading a book “Recovering From Losses In Life” by H. Norman Wright. What should the first few pages contain but this scripture:

“As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was neither that this man sinned nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.'”

I have to say, those words jumped off the page at me and I wasn’t even reading my Bible. 🙂 I’m not sure that it’s a satisfying answer, at this point, but it felt nothing if not timely.

Another thing were these quotes:

“Perhaps loss traumatizes us so much because it carries with it the message, “You really are not in charge of your life. You don’t have much control over your destiny. You are at the mercy of whatever happens.” (p34) “With every loss, we are reminded of the fact that we are not in control and we are not self-sufficient.” (p36)

I have to say, they resonated with me! We know we’re not in control but it’s oh-so-easy to say that; it’s another thing entirely to roll with it when life keeps slamming you.

And a quote that very aptly sums up my fight:

“Our grief work is not really complete until we have found some meaning in our grief. It is true that our emotions need healing, but so does our belief system or theology. This is a new thought to many people.” (p39)


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Natalie (Nyquist) Ference
    May 27, 2008 @ 01:49:54

    Amen. Great quotes. Next time I write you I will have to tell you about a book that has had a similar impact on me. :hug:


  2. gram
    May 27, 2008 @ 03:40:14

    in another book “heaven” by randy alcorn, he states that he believes one of the purposes of suffering is so that we more easily loosen our grip on earth and long more for heaven. i’m glad you are reading and questioning and pondering. you will grow through this and even though the mystery will remain and you won’t have all the answers, you WILL be comforted. 🙂 jan


  3. tootie
    May 27, 2008 @ 09:28:41

    Great passages. I’m so glad you’ve found some comfort in them.


  4. Janet
    May 27, 2008 @ 12:03:51

    Kristy,I continue to pray for God to strengthen you as you travel through this valley. I am amazed as I read your blog and see the transparency in your journey. I rejoice as I see you take each step of faith. Today’s post showed very strong faith! Tonight, I asked God to show me some verses that might encourage you. I hope and pray these will help you.Psalm 9:9 
 The Lord also keeps safe those who suffer. He is a safe place in times of trouble. (New Life Bible)Psalm 34:18
 The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope. (Contemporary English Version)Isaiah 40: 29-31
 He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak. Even children become tired and need to rest, and young people trip and fall. But the people who trust the LORD will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired. (New Century Version) 1 Peter 5: 7
 God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him. (Contemporary English Version)Psalm 56:8 You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book. (The Message)I will keep praying for you,Janet


  5. Anonymous
    May 27, 2008 @ 13:28:39

    Give her more Lord,TH


  6. nicole
    May 27, 2008 @ 19:11:53

    The other day I heard a young man explaining he had caught a bug in hospital that made him blind. He sais his father decided to go on reading the bible to him. This alexander was reading the bible in a year and his sickness had stopped him. The exact verse that followed was the verse you quoted first. It unabled him to accept this trauma. I must say I was really amazed…in his mouth it seemed so simple…well God, if that is what you are asking from me…I accept being blind!Some people are really big!I also see you like that…you have a big hearth!


  7. Mandy Owens
    May 29, 2008 @ 14:30:52

    maybe i have a funny way of looking at the world, but i don’t think a single thing happens in our life that God isn’t okay with. His Will prevails, so if you married Steve, you were meant to marry him. And just looking at you two is evidence of that, if nothing else. i think things that we go through, especially trials, have great meaning in our lives. i think it’s all building up to what He has in store for us. and up until this moment, He had built you up to be Steve’s wife, and now you are building toward yet another thing… but you’ll always be Steve’s wife. i’ve had to think about things quite a bit, just from watching you go through all of this, and here is what i’ve come up with so far… i feel like we have such a limited understanding of His purpose for us… i’m going to very repsectfully relate the human race to a dog for a moment, and God to the dog’s owner… respectfully… because i feel like it’s something to the affect of an owner taking his dog to the vet for a check up… after this visit, the owner knows that the dog needs a certain surgery (a rather painful one) that perhaps won’t allow him to walk well for sometime, but the owner also knows it is in the dog’s best interest to have this surgery (painful or not), for without it, he might lose all ability to walk, and thus have to be put to sleep… so the owner sends the dog into this painful spiral, and all the dog must be thinking is, “how could you? i thought you loved me! i thought you’d protect me! why would you cause me to feel this pain? why would you hurt me?” of course, this dog has limited perception. he can’t understand what is actually happening, and he certainly can’t see that his owner has made this choice out of love, and out of an effort to “better” the dog, and ultimately save its life. is that the strangest analogy you’ve ever heard? maybe the longest. but it’s all i’ve got right now to help this make sense to me. limited perception. i may be full of it, but it’s comforting to me to think that we are in the hands of an all-knowing God who loves us and ONLY wants to better us… despite what His current decision might seem like in our limited perception. sorry for the novel, but you like reviewing books, right? love you, girl!


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