It’s An Amputation

I get a daily e-mail from GriefShare and this was today’s…

A part of who you are is gone. Your identity is shaken to the very core. You wonder if you will ever feel normal again or if you will ever enjoy life again.

“When you lose a mate, you lose part of yourself,” says Dr. Jim Conway. “It’s as if you’ve had an amputation of an arm or a leg. I think that you don’t really recover; you adjust, and the process of adjusting varies with every individual. There’s no formula.”

The pain that comes from the loss of a spouse is much deeper than most people realize because in a marital relationship two people become one flesh.

“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24).

When part of your flesh is abruptly taken away, there is a ripping and a tearing that leaves a huge, open wound.

“Until you have experienced the death of a spouse, there is no way you can tell someone how deep the hurt is. The Lord says that we are one flesh, and suddenly half of that flesh is torn from us,” says Beth.

Lord God, a part of me is gone and will never be recovered. What do I do now? Amen


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anonymous
    Jul 24, 2008 @ 21:40:10

    I had never thought of it that way. Being one flesh. I know we are when we are married but I had never thought of it in that context. Makes sense. Praying for you today.Laura 🙂


  2. Anonymous
    Jul 26, 2008 @ 00:09:26

    Kristy,Just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers your way – you are in them everyday. Tammi


  3. nicole
    Jul 27, 2008 @ 19:12:21

    Yes, and I wonder how someone can survive loosing a husband and children, like this dutch women who saw her husband and her three children dye infront of her eyes two days ago in the alps…And Martin Gray who lost his wife and four kids in a forest fire…He did rebuild a life and a family eventually…But I think men seem to find this easier then women.talking about amputation…I remember my mother being so upset to see how people reacted when a friend lost a finger…the same atmosphere was in the air as when my dad died…She was saying: it’s only a finger…loosing someone you love is so much worse then an amputation!Whatever we can say will not make you feel better…but I hope you really feel lifted and surrounded by all the people’s concern for you.We can’t do much more


  4. Robyn
    Jul 30, 2008 @ 17:50:12

    Amputation….that is such a vivid image – having a part of you ripped away and leaving such a raw gaping wound. I’m praying for you Kristy.


  5. Sherrin
    Jul 30, 2008 @ 19:28:17

    Wow. I’ve been thinking about the way those who have never gone through a particular grief cannot really understand it. They can choose to believe those who’ve been through it, and they can choose to aquaint themselves with the process of grief that is gone through, but they cannot know the deep pain. The closest they can come, probably, is to really listen to and walk with a person who is suffering that grief.I just dropped by your blog to say that I’ve been praying for you. I often think of you, and the loss you have suffered. I’d also like to say “sorry” for something silly I have a niggling feeling I did back at the begginning of the year . . . I think you’d got your new blog and sign in name, and made a comment on my blog, so I dropped by thinking I was meeting someone new and said something like “nice to meet another Australian” when of course I already knew you! Sorry I’m such a poor blog keeper-up-er!


  6. Alicia
    Aug 05, 2008 @ 14:30:55

    Dear one, Just wanted to let you know that this sister that you have yet to meet still prays for you often. And I’m sure that I’m not the only one.


  7. Mandy Owens
    Aug 09, 2008 @ 14:50:07

    how true that must be. 😦 and how agonizing to imagine for even a brief moment what that must truly feel like… and yet you are forced to live it every day now. it’s not fair for you, my dear kristy! but you are doing a brilliant job at handling it all.oh, and alicia (above me) is right… she’s not the only one! 🙂 love you bunches!


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