Sweet Dreams

I dreamt about Steve last night. It's the first time in ages. I'm not the kind of person who tends to dream about the things I think about. I tend to dream about people and events that I never think about. 😛 I'd be lucky if I've even dreamed about Steve enough in the nearly-two years since he's been gone to break out two hands, let alone double digits.

So it's always a nice treat because it feels like a visit with him. I wake up happy to have been given that "gift", even though it's not reality. I woke up happy this morning. I'd got to run and meet the truck when he got home from somewhere and hug and hug and hug him. I guess that part of reality did come through in the dream somehow…it wasn't a regular "glad you're home" reaction…there was a definite sense of being ecstatic to see him and hug him after an absence.

Unlike usual, though, it was a little bit harder to take today. Maybe it was because it was so real and then I went to church and sat in a similar area to where we used to sit that I haven't sat in for a while. In remembering being there with him, I could almost feel it. That was a bit hard to take for a while. The old sick feelings of the permanence of his absence came back briefly. It's been quite a while since that has been a regular companion. I still miss him…probably always will…but I rarely feel the "sickness of death" that used to be my constant companion.

In some ways, it's a good reminder: of where I was and how far I've come. The dreams, however, are always a good reminder of good times with a good man. I was re-reading what I wrote for the funeral (under my "About Me" tab) last night–which is probably actually why I did have the dream I did–and was just thinking how thankful I am that I wrote so much down over the past couple of years. It's so easy for the details to get pushed aside by the stresses of life but I have these records in spite of what tricks my memory plays on me. I never knew when I first started blogging what a valuable resource it would be. 🙂

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jewelz
    Feb 07, 2010 @ 18:43:01

    You have definitely come SO far!!!
    I am so very proud to be your sister 🙂

    Reply

  2. Danielle
    Feb 07, 2010 @ 18:46:25

    I’m so happy for this unexpected gift for you! xx

    Reply

  3. Susanna
    Feb 08, 2010 @ 06:48:17

    🙂 xx

    Reply

  4. Chel
    Feb 08, 2010 @ 11:38:56

    I’m SO glad you had that wonderful dream!!
    And I’m also so glad that you have been blogging, journaling privately, etc–you’ve definitely inspired me to do the same 🙂
    PS If you haven’t checked my blog lately, you might want to sometime in the near future 😛

    Reply

  5. southeastcountrywife
    Feb 08, 2010 @ 16:25:32

    awwww, that’s so sweet!!!!! i love you. 🙂

    Reply

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