Five Years

Five years ago today, my world turned upside down. I was in shock that something like that could happen to me. Surely, it COULDN’T be happening to me just ten weeks after I’d FINALLY got married. But it did. Those things don’t just happen to “other people”.

I thought my life was over. After waiting so long to get married, what hope did I have when less than three months later that long-awaited husband was gone? Who would want me now? What point was there in going on? How bleak the rest of my life looked! All I saw was a seemingly endless existence as a widow starting far too early and the dream of children shattered before it started.

I’ll never forget that day…those memories…those feelings…the horror. It all changed my life forever. I’ll never be the same person.

But I’ll also never forget the amazing friends and family that rallied around and carried me for far more than the next few weeks or months. Or the overwhelming global support of prayer, blog comments and e-mails that helped to keep me breathing in the first few weeks. Or the way that people rejoiced when God actually sent me another husband–far quicker than the first one had arrived!

I’m so grateful. I’m so blessed. I would never want to go through it again but I’m so overwhelmed as I think back.

I do miss Steve–but not in the same way anymore. I’ll forever be grateful that he was in my life. I’ll forever be grateful for the way he changed my life and for the people he introduced me to that impacted my life–and still do to this day.

I really struggle to comprehend the difference from then to now in what my life looks like. I have (another) amazing husband. I have been blessed with not one but two amazing, Godly men who have chosen to love me. That is more than some people get and yet I also have been blessed with beautiful children.

I survived and I’m far stronger for it. I hated God and yet I’m still here following Him.

Thank you, God.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Krista
    Mar 24, 2013 @ 03:36:23

    That’s the thing with suffering. No, I have not suffered wretchedly as you did, but I have suffered–and I hate the suffering! But… I treasure the lessons I learned about God and His adamant faithfulness to us even when we hate him for making us suffer. The lessons were learned I the midst of a terrible, terrible crucible and are all the more precious for the very depth of the suffering. It truly does grow the faith. Blessings on you, and congratulations on your new husband and your children!


  2. Sarah
    Mar 24, 2013 @ 19:27:29

    What a beautiful post. Thank you God! I have been thinking of you this weekend. xx HOPE!


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