A Closed Book

Nearly four years ago, on the way to the river the day Steve was killed, I was reading a book: Let Them Eat Cake by Sandra Byrd. After that day, I just couldn’t bring myself to open it or finish it. I’d been enjoying it but I just couldn’t go back there. Matter of fact, I didn’t read hardly at all for ages, especially not fiction–quite a phenomenon for someone like me who needs to read!

As the years went on, I started to think about picking up the book again and also reading the following two in the trilogy. I wasn’t sure how I’d go and I also wanted to read all three back-to-back. All this time, my bookmark (a flier from the CWCI convention I went to just before the accident) had started in that book holding my exact page. Right up until about two months ago when someone borrowed it and I never mentioned to them any significance behind the books.

Being on a roll in reading recently and having being told by the borrower she’d really enjoyed them and I should actually read them, I decided to take the plunge. I went back to the start and began again.

Obviously, the timing was right because I finished it easily. I couldn’t remember my previous stopping point and so there was no “sense of doom” in any way as I read. It was a good, fun read. And so were the other two!

So after all these years, after all this time, I have finally read that book and “closed that chapter”. I’ll never forget the significance of that book but they will no longer jump out at me from my shelf as something I could never go back to.

2009 Recap

I've never done this before but, having seen it going around the blogosphere, I thought it sounded interesting. You take the first sentence of the first post of each month throughout the year. I think you're supposed to do it on New Year's Eve or something but I didn't hear about it till afterwards as I didn't have internet over New Year's. Plus, this is primarily for my own interest's sake. 🙂

January: 2009

A new year, a clean slate…sounds good to me. (It was a big deal to me stepping into a new year that didn't, and wouldn't, have any of Steve in it.)

February: Remembering…

It's my birthday today. (So I used it as a time to remember my last birthday with Steve.)

March: A Big Sluggish

January was hell so, in comparison, I went through February on a high. (A summary of where I was at last March.)

April: A Different Sunday

All week, I've been meaning to blog. (Because I had good progress to report!)

May: A House Is Not A Home Without…

A home is not a home without…books!!! (Those shelves are now full, btw, and I have piles of books sitting on my bedroom floor…lol)

June: Why I Keep Blogging Publicly

When we began to honestly share our own journey with others, we discovered the whole world is desperate for somebody to say, "My life is a mess, and I'm trying to survive too! I'm struggling. (The beginning of a quote that summarised for me why I keep blogging publicly.)

July: Still Away & Other Thoughts

I don't have my computer back yet but I do have a bit of access to one. (Really doesn't summarise the post at all! lol The remainder is a continuation of why I blog publicly and some possible new direction for my blog.

August: Widow Thoughts: Friendships

One of the hardest things I've had to deal with this year is coming to terms with the loss of friendships. (That's pretty self-explanatory…and the first of my "Widow Thoughts" posts.)

September: Me & My Blog

My blog might start looking a little different in content in the coming months. (I returned temporarily to journalling and focussed reading…which I am about to do again.)

October: Life Where You Least Expect It

I've just started reading "Tracks of a Fellow Struggler" by John R Claypool, a book I have seen frequently quoted in many of the books I've read over the last 18 months. (And the sharing of a great quote from a great little book!)

November: Not Tooooo Exciting

Many of you keep up w
ith me on Facebook and have a bit of an idea what I've been up to which is a good thing as I'm obviously not finding too much motivation to blog
! (A summary of my first few weeks in America.)

December: Limited Vision

Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering. (The start of a quote by Elisabeth Elliot and how it impacted me.)

How Cool Is This?!

These bookshelves are the coolest bookshelves I have seen in my life. I really, really want a LOT of these!!! Mind you, they are extremely expensive…but they are double-sided and would be perfect for dividing rooms and having in kids' bedrooms, etc. If they were $200, I'd buy five. 🙂

If you're a reader, go check them out. I'd guarantee that anybody as crazy over books as me won't be able to resist their pull! 🙂

(Btw, I got my computer back today after only FOUR days in the shop. I'm shocked–since it took 3 WEEKS last time–but very pleased.)

Fragility of Life–Part Two

As I read further in the book, I came across another section with a little more behind the idea quoted here. This one, I totally agree with. I’ve also previously come to the same conclusion (following) about why we fight death. It gets up my nose when people dismiss my discomfort over death, tragedy and pain with a comment like, “Death is part of life” so I always like to find I’m not alone in what I think!

“Do you know why we constantly fight the notion of death, Betsy? I just read about that in Genesis the other day. It’s because God created us to live forever with Him in Eden. Death was not God’s choice; it was man’s. Death is unnatural, a punishment for sin. But God countered man’s choice with another perfect plan–He redeemed us in Christ so we could live forever with Him.”

I moved around to the front of his chair and held Walter’s precious face in my hands. “And in the meantime? Here on earth?”

“We must pray, ‘Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.’ Promise me that you’ll always write, Betsy. Don’t let your father or anyone else impose his will on you. And don’t ever settle for any other life except the one for which God created you.”

“What about His will for you?” I whispered. I couldn’t speak any louder without weeping.

More

Messy Life–Updated

VERY much liking this quote taken from this book

Life isn't like a book.
It isn't logical or sensible or orderly.
Life is a mess most of the time.
And theology must be lived
in the midst of that mess.

–Charles Colson

…and this one (from the same book):

When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But he doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project–a mosaic that tells the story of redemption. –Ken Gire